The Joy of Color

     I was driving up north to my sisters very tired, sad and feeling numb in my spirit.  As the miles past, I began to see the colors of the trees turning to deeper and deeper shades.  The beauty I saw was amazing.  The green of some fields set against the yellows, reds and golds of the trees, the patterns of the harvested fields, the cornstalks, the deep orange pumpkins, the sun shining cheerily; by the time I got to my sister, I realized my heart was refreshed and my spirit lifted.  The wonderful Creator knew just what I needed.  My heart is grateful.
    This time away with my beloved sister has been a real rest.  Once again, He knows what I needed.  These simple respites are what we need to begin again, hope begins to grow.  Not that we know the future, but that we can trust One who has good plans for us.  The trees reminded me of His goodness, that the beauty He brings into my life, in His good timing is always more wonderful that I could have dreamed up.  It once again fills my heart with love and thankfulness.

 

How long can I be a blob?

Being on sick leave from work has some benefits.  I don't have to be so exhausted, or feel pressured to do things I feel overwhelmed by.  I don't have to be impatient with others, because I'm nauseous.  I also don't have the burden of need of the ministry.  It's a weird place to be after multiple decades of being involved.  I can sleep, eat or watch TV as much as I want.  I feel a little numb from brain and heart sleep.  There are places I go in all this uneasy instability of circumstances that do not help me to be awake in my soul.  Sometimes we will do anything to numb the difficult feelings.
But, I know myself, having tasted the richness of heart connection to God and others, and the sheer joy of seeing my life being used for good...I am unable to stay a blob.  Blobs become hungry for life, adventure and significance.  Thirsty for life.