Being on sick leave from work has some benefits. I don't have to be so exhausted, or feel pressured to do things I feel overwhelmed by. I don't have to be impatient with others, because I'm nauseous. I also don't have the burden of need of the ministry. It's a weird place to be after multiple decades of being involved. I can sleep, eat or watch TV as much as I want. I feel a little numb from brain and heart sleep. There are places I go in all this uneasy instability of circumstances that do not help me to be awake in my soul. Sometimes we will do anything to numb the difficult feelings.
But, I know myself, having tasted the richness of heart connection to God and others, and the sheer joy of seeing my life being used for good...I am unable to stay a blob. Blobs become hungry for life, adventure and significance. Thirsty for life.
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